My name is Anne.
My mission is to save the world.
What? Did I just say this?
First of all, you might think, the world doesn’t need to be saved.
It is believed that our planet has been around since 4.5 billion years.
And it will continue to exist, with or without little me, you or any other living beings on earth.
Secondly, you might think, it’s just plain delusional and utterly presumptuous to think, ONE person can have such big impact on the world, AND this one person would be me.
Well, how about taking it one step back. How about, I’ll start at the beginning. The beginning of my journey, which started on a November day in Germany. Ah, what a gift I have been given right from the start. People born under the sign of Scorpio are dead serious in their mission to learn about others (and to save the world).
I grew up in a family with very dogmatic belief systems, and in order to be accepted, I needed to play by all rules of the church. I was told to be small, to be incomplete, to be limited, to not be enough. In order to be loved, I had to work hard for it. I had to earn it to be “good enough”. To redeem myself, it was expected from me to walk the streets as a missionary, on the quest to save as many lives as possible. When I was 18 years old everything came to a stop. I was facing a fork in my journey and was forced to make my first live changing decision.
Should I stay or should I go?
In order to be granted to stay with the community and, even more important to me at the time, with my family, I was asked to return to the “right” way. If I don’t regret my wrongdoing, I will face death. Looking back at my life I now can say that this decision was the most difficult decision I've ever had to face. Deciding between life and death. Leaving the church meant to leave my family behind. It was a set up. Suddenly I was the one responsible for causing pain, walking around with the burden of guilt and shame. A heavy burden it was.
There was this voice inside of me, whispering something, too quiet for me to hear. There was the urge inside of me, to set myself free, even if it would mean to choose death over life. There was this settle feeling of an unseen field around me. I didn’t know at this time what I felt. I was not able to clearly hear the voice inside of me, but I knew, something still unknown, somewhere on the distant horizon, was communicating with me.
Today I know what field it was. It was Love, a field surrounding all there is. An ever-present field, within and around everything of existence. We just forgot. We forgot this field of Love exists, is always present and always will be. We forget that Love is all there is.
But back to my story. I took the plunge. I let go and fell. It was a long and frightening fall. It scattered my being. Broke every single bone in my body. It hurt like hell (a place I never believed it would exist). My path was paved with challenging relationships on all levels of life.
How could I trust? How could I live with an open heart? I was sold a lie when I arrived at this planet. I was fed a nightmare. Am I loved? Is it safe? Why have they abandoned me? What is wrong with me? Who am I? Why me? Am I broken or just bent? Can I learn to love again?
I decided to break free of conditions and choose the path of a spiritual nomad. Building my belief system from scratch, traveling through history of many different philosophies. Picking and choosing what felt right for me. The study of metaphysics and world religions quenched my thirst for finding truth. I understood we create our world based on perception and opinion, which becomes our personal truth. And then there is universal truth.
By taking the plunge into the unknown when I was 18 years old, I realized I can do it over and over again. And I did. I became pretty good in it. The funny thing is, fear of the unknown is always present. We don’t succeed because we are fearless. We succeed because we look fear in the eye and move toward it, no matter what.
By using fear as a catalyst I was able to experience incredibly powerful, magical, mystical, awe-inspiring moments in my life. Living on the edge sometimes can get quite addictive. Trusting the Universe to have your back becomes a life saver. One of my favorite things to do, to re-charge and re-center myself, is spending time in nature. I can spend hours alone walking the woods, getting off the beaten path, loosing myself.
I could tell you stories of getting lost in foreign countries; walking the jungle by myself without a map; swimming in the ocean struggling to survive; taking the wrong turn in a city full of violence. I could tell you stories about the loss of loved ones and what followed after, the darkness and despair settling into my whole being. I could tell you about the time when both my parents and myself got news of life threatening diagnosis just weeks apart from each other. When I had to watch my father die from the distance. My father, my hero, the person I adored the most. I was far from ready to let go of him, let go of the hope to fix what we’ve lost when I was a child. I still had such an urge to be loved and accepted by him just as I am. No more, no less. It never happened. We were not granted more time together in this life. What is left is the comfort of knowing he always did his best. We are still connected in the field of universal Love. That is what counts the most.
So why do I still need to save the world, you might ask?
Because in the last 30 years I gained more knowledge about the world and all the precious beings living in it. Because I know I can’t save you, but can be here for you, listen to you. I can say “I understand a little” to some of the places you’ve been or go through now. Nobody will ever understand you fully, because we are all different, each of us a unique part of the whole.
But I will try my best to stand with you, to comfort you and most of all, to encourage you to NEVER EVER GIVE UP and keep on going. Pushing through it. Being determined to shine your light in the brightest way. Knowing that we are all in it together. Knowing that we can’t win this game of life alone. We need each other. I offer my service to the world, because I know how challenging it is to walk alone. It can take your breath away, so much that we might forget to start breathing again. I don’t want this to happen to you.
By offering my help to the world, being in service for the greater good of all, I can save at least one life. My life. And because we are all in this together, by giving the best of who I am, I can change the world for the better. Maybe I can’t save it after all. But it’s always worth a try.
Let we allow the light to shine through all of us. Let we open our hearts to the realization that life is nothing short of stunning moments. It takes my breath away, letting me fall onto my knees, praying with a humble heart, seeing so clearly that I AM worthy for the kind of love that builds galaxies.